Do you get nervous speaking in front of others?
I used to think nerves were a sign I wasn’t ready. That the flutter in my stomach meant I didn’t belong up there. If I felt shaky, it was because I was doing something wrong.
But here’s what I’ve learned and what’s helped hundreds of others: Nerves aren’t the enemy. They’re part of the process.
And when you stop fighting them, you stop getting stuck in your head, and you start showing up.
This is how you rewire your relationship with fear. Not by removing it, but by moving with it.
The icebreaker that rewires your brain
Let me tell you about a simple exercise I’ve used in workshops.
Everyone stands in a circle. One by one, each person says their name. The next person repeats it, then shares their own. Nothing fancy. Just rhythm, memory, and names they all know.
And every time, someone slips up. Actually, most people do. They forget a name. Or mix up the order. Or freeze.
Once we get through the group, I ask:
- “Who got it perfectly right?” → A few cautious hands go up.
- “Who made a mistake?” → Almost everyone else raises theirs.
Then I follow up with:
- “What bad things happened?” → People pause. Then smile. “Nothing.”
And that’s the whole point. Nothing bad happened.
In fact, when it did, it was funny, and enjoyable, and better than when it went right.
We walk into high-stakes situations – presentations, pitches, meetings – with this quiet fear that one wrong move will destroy everything.
But more often than not, it doesn’t. People are more forgiving than we think. They’re far more focused on themselves than your every word.
When I first started performing, I was terrified. I once burst into tears before a school speech. Years later, I went on to win awards for public speaking, not because the nerves went away, but because I stopped seeing them as a problem.
Mistakes are survivable. Often forgettable. Sometimes even endearing. That’s how you start to feel safer onstage, not by being perfect, but by learning that you’ll be okay, even when you’re not.
Here’s what you can do to help make that happen next time you need to speak in front of a crowd.
1. Ground yourself
You first swig of confidence isn’t in your head. It’s in your body.
When nerves hit, we tend to float. We disconnect from our bodies and get stuck in our thoughts — planning what we’ll say, worrying how it’ll land, trying to control something that hasn’t even happened yet. That mental spiral pulls us away from the moment.
It takes grounding to bring us back. It’s a simple physical reset, a way of telling your body, I’m here, and I’m safe.
It also happens to be one of the fastest ways to find your presence and calm your nervous system.
Try this next time you’re preparing to speak:
- Stand or sit with both feet flat on the floor.
- Wiggle your toes inside your shoes.
- Gently press your heels down.
- Let your knees unlock. Let your weight drop into your hips.
- Feel the pull of gravity — it’s holding you, not pushing you down.
From here, everything starts to feel a little more normal again.
2. Breathe
The fastest way to calm your body is to give it oxygen.
When you’re nervous, your breathing shortens. It rises into your chest, gets tight and shallow, sometimes without you even noticing.
This tells your body, “Something’s wrong.” So it tenses. It locks up. Your voice goes shaky. Your thinking gets fuzzy.
You don’t need to fix it with a dramatic yoga breath. You just need something that gives you a little more air back. Try this:
- Place both feet firmly on the ground (you’re already grounded, nice!)
- Let your hands rest in your lap or by your sides.
- Take a slow breath in through your nose and try to fill up your belly, not your chest.
- Pause for a moment at the top.
- Then exhale slowly through your mouth.
- Let your shoulders drop with it.
Do that a few times. Gently. No force. Just a quiet signal to your body: we’re okay.
You might not feel a huge shift straight away, but inside, your heart rate slows. Your brain clears a little. Your nervous system settles and you should feel more safe – because you are.
And suddenly, the moment doesn’t feel so overwhelming.
3. Frame your nerves as excitement
When you tell yourself “I’m nervous,” your brain gets ready for danger. Your heart races and your muscles tense. Your body goes into protection mode.
Now that might’ve helped when we were running from sabre-toothed tigers. But it doesn’t help when you’re stepping up to speak at a meeting or lead a workshop.
So try saying this instead: “I’m excited.”
Your body doesn’t actually know the difference between fear and excitement. The physical signs – sweaty palms, fast heartbeat, butterflies – they’re all the same. What changes is the story you tell yourself about them.
You don’t have to lie either. Because you should be excited. Nerves mean you care.
You’re not nervous brushing your teeth. You’re nervous when it matters, when you’re putting yourself out there and you want to do well.
That energy is not something to hide or fix. It just needs to be put where it can be used.
4. People want you to succeed
Most of the time, your audience isn’t judging you. They’re not waiting to catch you out. They’re not hoping you’ll mess up so they can whisper about it later.
They want you to do well. Not just because they’re kind (though many are), but because it’s uncomfortable watching someone struggle.
We all know that feeling, being in the room when a speaker stumbles, and willing them to get back on track. That instinct to support isn’t rare. It’s human.
Even if you go blank, even if you trip over a word or lose your place, most people are silently rooting for you. They’re thinking: You’ve got this. Take your time. We’re still with you.
I’ve seen this again and again: onstage, in boardrooms, in classrooms. I’ve forgotten lines. I’ve seen others blank out mid-sentence. And every time, without fail, the energy in the room softens. People lean in. Not out of pity, but out of care.
So if your brain’s telling you, They’re going to laugh, They want me to fail, They’ll think I’m not good enough — take a breath.
Remember that you’re not performing against the audience. You’re speaking with them. They’re not your opponents, they’re your allies if you let them be.
5. Play a character
Sometimes the pressure of “just be yourself” is too much. Especially when “yourself” feels shaky, self-conscious, or like it’s hiding behind a wall of doubt.
That’s when I try on a character. It’s one of my favourite techniques.
You’re not pretending to be someone else – you’re stepping into a version of you that’s just a little bolder. A little more grounded. A little more ready.
Maybe that version is:
- “Confident You,” who doesn’t shrink when eyes are on them.
- “Expert You,” who knows their stuff and stands tall in it.
It’s a way to give your nervous system a different job. You’re not standing up there as vulnerable, exposed “me.” You’re playing a role. And that role gives you structure. Posture. Tone. A shape for your body to hold onto when your thoughts start to spiral.
Plus, there’s the bonus to this technique:
- Any nerves you feel? That’s the character’s problem.
- Any judgement that comes your way? It’s not about you, it’s about the character.
Actors do this all the time. So do celebrities – David Bowie, Lady Gaga, Beyonce – they’re all versions of the same technique. And now you can use it too.
Final thoughts
Your job isn’t to be a flawless robot. It’s to show up. To speak with enough care that people want to listen and enough clarity that they understand you.
Nerves are part of that. So next time you feel your heart race before speaking, remember:
- Ground your feet.
- Breathe.
- Frame it as excitement.
- Know the room is with you.
- And if it helps, play a role to get you through the tough parts
You don’t need to stop being nervous. You just need to take that next step out onto the stage.
