The other night I had a chat with a friend after she stepped off stage.
“My heart starts pumping fast every time I have to get up to speak,” she said.
If you’ve ever felt your chest plummet before a presentation, you know what she means. And invariably, someone has probably given you the advice: “Just take a deep breath.”
I’ve seen it work. But I’ve also seen it backfire, and send a speaker into panic and overdrive. So, I had to ask myself, why?
That’s when I realised the advice is backwards. Breathing can calm you, but only if you know how to do it the right way. Here’s how to do it.
Why breathing matters when you speak
When you get nervous, your body doesn’t wait for you to gather your thoughts.
It throws you straight into fight-or-flight mode. This is the body’s emergency response system, and it’s built to keep you alive, not help you make a speech.
That means your heart races. Adrenaline pumps through your blood. Your muscles tighten. Your mind races like a prize-winning thoroughbred.
No wonder it’s so hard to think clearly, let alone speak with confidence. That’s why people often say they “went blank” when put on the spot. If you’ve ever forgotten your own name during an introduction, it wasn’t because you’re forgetful. It was your nervous system doing its job too well.
But your breath is one of the few levers you can pull to interrupt that spiral. Unlike digestion or blood pressure, which run on autopilot, breathing is special: it happens automatically and you can also control it.
That means you can consciously use your breath to help you stay calm when you need it.
The wrong way to breathe
Think of your breath like the pedals in a car.
When you breathe in, you press the accelerator. This sends a signal through your nervous system, the wiring that lets your brain and body talk to each other.
Your heart rate speeds up and your body revs, ready to go.
That’s why the advice “take a deep breath” can backfire. Most people gulp in a huge chestful of air, puff up, and think it will calm them.
But instead, it pushes the accelerator harder. Your heart races more, you dump too much carbon dioxide, and you even trigger chest and neck muscles that are meant for emergencies.
Do it enough and you can slip into hyperventilation (breathing too fast and too much). That can make you dizzy, tighten your chest, tingle your fingers, and — worst of all and somewhat ironically — send you into more panic.
So if you feel your heart is pounding, even when you’re deep breathing, there’s a good chance it’s because you’re breathing the wrong way.
How to use your breath to calm down
If breathing in is the accelerator, breathing out is the brake. That’s what helps you slow down and stay in control of the car.
Every time you breathe out, your heart rate eases. Your body gets the message: you’re safe, you don’t need to rush.
Science calls this your parasympathetic nervous system, also known by the nickname ‘rest and digest’ mode. When this switches on, your heart rate slows and your muscles loosen.
You’ll also notice your head starts to feel clear again. This is because your blood is now flowing back to your prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain you need for logic, speech, and memory.
This is the calm state actors aim for before stepping on stage. Athletes use it before a penalty kick. Even soldiers train it before missions. It’s the same state you want before you speak in public.
How to breathe before you speak
The natural rhythm of fast and slow is called heart rate variability. You don’t need to remember the term, just the pattern: in-breaths speed you up, out-breaths slow you down.
Your heart naturally speeds up when you breathe in and slows when you breathe out. This is known as heart rate variability.
You don’t need to remember the science, just the pattern: inhale to speed up, exhale to slow down.
So next time your heart is racing before you speak, focus on slowing it down. Here’s how to do it using the Extended Exhale Breathing technique:
- Sit tall and drop your shoulders. Rest one hand on your ribs, near the top of your belly, so you can feel the breath move.
- Inhale gently through your nose for FOUR counts. Feel your ribs spread sideways and your belly move out as the air comes in.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for EIGHT counts. Like you’re softly fogging up a window, steady all the way out.
- Repeat for a minute or two. Even five breaths like this can slow your heartbeat and clear your head.
When you do this in the moment, your body catches up with your mind. Instead of fighting nerves, you turn them into calm focus.
This isn’t just science, it’s a skill. Like learning piano or riding a BMX, it gets easier with practice.
The more you rehearse Extended Exhale Breathing when things are calm, the easier it is to use when stress hits.
Final thoughts
“Take a deep breath” sounds gentle, but it often makes nerves worse.
Next time your heart pounds before you speak, remember, breathe out longer than you breathe in.
With each long, steady exhale, you’ll find yourself calmer, clearer, and ready to speak with the authority you already have.
