Ever read a book, get to the end of the page, and think, “I don’t remember any of that?”
The same thing can happen when you’re talking to people. You might be delivering a brilliant idea or a sharp presentation, but not all of it sticks. Even when there are no distractions.
It’s not because you’re uninteresting or because they’re not paying attention.
People naturally focus on what matters to them and filter out the rest, no matter how important you think your message is. That’s a little something called selective perception.
We only notice what matters to us
Selective perception means that we naturally notice the things that align with our interests, experiences, and beliefs.
Everyone filters the world differently based on these factors.
Think about it: two friends go to a party, but they walk away with completely different experiences.
One friend, a music lover, remembers every note the live band played. The other friend barely noticed the band but had a deep conversation about the history of chess with someone.
They were both at the same party, but what mattered to them determined what they paid attention to.
That’s how we all work. We tune in to what feels relevant to us and let the rest float by.
And as a communicator, understanding that your audience will filter your message through their own lens is key to making sure what you’re saying sticks.
The 3 communication filters
If you want people to truly hear you, you need to understand the filters they’re using.
Your audience’s attention is shaped by three main things: who they are, what they know, and what they believe.
Let’s break each of these down and look at how they affect what people hear and how you can make your message resonate.
Filter 1: Who we are
We’re all drawn to things that connect with our personal experiences. If something relates to what we’ve been through or what we care about, we’re much more likely to pay attention.
That’s why stories are so powerful. Stories tap into shared human experiences, making ideas feel more relatable and real.
When you hear a story that mirrors your own life, you’re naturally more engaged. Your brain reacts to familiar experiences by releasing chemicals that boost attention and emotional connection.
This is why personal anecdotes and real-life examples are such effective tools in communication. They don’t just make a message clearer; they make it memorable.
How to connect based on who your audience are
When you’re communicating, use stories and examples that reflect your audience’s experiences.
This is why researching your audience and understanding their background is so important. You need to know where they are coming from, so they can connect with you.
Analogies can also work wonders here. If you’re explaining something complicated, find a comparison that aligns with what they already know.
The more you tie your message to their reality, the more they’ll stay with you.
Filter 2: What we know
We all like to make sense of new information by relating it to what we already know.
Our brains are wired to look for patterns and connections. When something fits with what we already understand, we can absorb it quickly. But when it feels totally foreign, we struggle to process it.
This is where cognitive schemas come into play. Schemas are mental frameworks that help us organise information.
If you can link new ideas to things your audience already knows, you’re giving them an easier path to understanding. They’ll be able to build on what they know instead of starting from scratch.
How to connect based on what your audience knows
Use the language your audience speaks. If you can break down ideas in words they use and frames of reference that are familiar, you make a stronger connection.
And as always, repetition is your friend here.
Repeating key ideas throughout your talk or conversation reinforces the most important points and gives your audience multiple chances to absorb them.
Visual aids are also helpful for reinforcing your message—whether it’s a chart, diagram, or a picture—especially if they can make abstract ideas easier to grasp based on what your audience already knows.
Filter 3: What we believe
Our beliefs shape how we see the world, and they also dictate what we pay attention to. If a message aligns with our values or interests, we’ll focus on it. If it doesn’t, we’re likely to tune it out.
This is why understanding your audience’s priorities is crucial.
If you can figure out what they care about—whether it’s personal growth, financial success, or making a difference in the world—you can tailor your message to fit.
People are far more likely to engage with ideas that speak to what they already believe in or want to achieve.
How to connect based on what your audience believes
Start by identifying what matters most to your audience.
If you can show them how your message aligns with their values, you’ll capture their attention from the start. And don’t be shy about explaining what’s in it for them.
Highlighting the benefits of listening to you—whether it’s gaining valuable insight or learning something new—will keep them engaged and motivated to follow along.
Make your message stick
So, how do you put all of this together?
The key is to not shy away from the fact that everyone listens selectively. No matter how compelling your message is, people will filter it through their own experiences, knowledge, and beliefs.
If you want to communicate effectively, you need to work within those filters, not against them.
Here’s how:
- Use relatable stories and examples that connect with your audience’s personal experiences. Make your message feel familiar, not foreign.
- Build on what they already know. Give them a foundation to stand on, and then introduce new ideas gradually. Repetition and visual aids can make a big difference here.
- Speak to their values. Understand what matters to them and show them how your message aligns with those beliefs. The more relevant your message feels, the more attention they’ll give it.
These principles might sound simple, but they’re powerful. When you can shape your message to fit how people naturally listen, you can cut through the noise and make sure what you say truly lands.
Why fighting the filter matters
Communication isn’t just about getting your words out into the world—it’s making sure they stick.
Your message has to do more than just reach your audience. It has to resonate.
When you can lock in on how people filter information, you can tailor your message to break through those filters and leave a lasting impression.
Whether you’re pitching a business idea, giving a presentation, or just trying to make your point in a meeting, the same principles apply.
Know who your audience is, understand what they care about, and speak in a way that connects with their reality.
Do that, and they won’t just hear you—they’ll remember you.
